Life In The Ted Lane- December Episode
(Christmas music intro music)
Ted: Ho, ho, ho, little boys and girls, ho, ho, (coughs) Hello, and welcome to another episode of LIFE IN THE TED LANE. I’m your host, Ted Harris, and this is the silver bell next to the angel who got his wings, Lindsay Harris-Friel.
Lindsay: I’m the what?
Ted: The silver bell, because you shine so silvery,
Lindsay: Oh, I thought it was I was so clang-clang.
Ted; As you probably guessed by now, this is our Christmas episode, We are going to talk about all things Christmasey.
Lindsay; Wait a minute, there are lots of holidays in December.
Ted; But this is my podcast, and I love Christmas.
Lindsay: Ted, who pays our Buzzsprout hosting fees?
(pause)
Ted: I love you, Lindsay.
Lindsay: I love you too, Ted, but not everyone celebrates Christmas, there are other holidays in December, and I feel we should talk about those customs, too. And besides, I still have your Christmas presents hidden.
(pause)
Ted: Okaaaay….we’re going to talk about all the amazing holiday celebrations in December!
Okay, here is why the December holidays are so important.
Lindsay: because it’s cold and dark, and we need light and togetherness
Ted: Here is why it’s so cold and dark in the Northern hemisphere. I have an article from The Franklin Institute; you can check it out Winter Solstice is the day when the Northern hemisphere is the farthest away from the sun because of the Earth’s axial tilt.
Winter Solstice - The Long and Short of it.
So this is when it’s very cold and dark, and it’s easy to feel miserable.
Lindsay; Yes, people tend to feel a lot of emotional pressure.
Ted: Some people are, and some aren’t. The suicide rate is always the highest during the holidays.
Lindsay: Not to be a bummer, but if you call 988, it’s the number to The National Suicide prevention line; if you google it, you can find it, and they can help.
Ted; Back to the matter at hand, we are going to talk about the December holidays.
Lindsay: Can we talk about the Decemberists?
Ted: NO! We are not talking about The Decemberists right now! *Ahem* This is where the earth’s axis is the farthest from the sun, and it starts to get cold and dark; we call it The Longest Night Of The Year. So this is a time of year when we want to do things together and when we need light and togetherness, and when we want to bring light into the world.
Lindsay: So, Ted, what are some activities where people bring light and togetherness in the world?
Ted: they decorate trees with lights and candles, they invite their friends over to share songs and snacks, and they light bonfires and play games.
Lindsay: what are some ways that people can celebrate winter solstice?
Ted: Decorate an outdoor edible tree for the animals to feed the animals because it’s hard for them to find food in the winter, decorate it with apples and oranges, strings of popcorn, and pine cones covered with peanut butter and birdseed.
MORE INFO How To Celebrate The Winter Solstice
Lindsay: That’s a good idea, what are some other ways?
Ted: Read stories, and listen to audiobooks. Share snacks with their friends. Maybe since it’s the darkest time of the year, they can eat dark chocolate cake and reflect on the old year and share prospects for the new year and plan for next year. And sometimes, it’s about leaning to let go.
Lindsay: (singing) Let it go, let it go….
Ted; Okay, that’s enough, save it for our show at Theatre Horizon.
Lindsay: Okay, what are some other ways we can enjoy the holidays?
Ted: we can talk about Channukah now. Many years ago, there was this great war between the Syrians and the Israelites, they were fighting, and many of the Syrians destroyed a lot of the Israelites temples and monuments, when they searched the rubble, they found an oil lamp in the rubble, and even though the lamp had enough oil for one night, by a miracle the oil burned for eight nights, the Jews celebrate that day by lighting the candles on the menorah and playing games and telling stories. They play a special game called Dreidel, which is like a type of top. If it lands one way, they get to keep their gelt, but if it lands one way, Uh-oh! Hanukkah doesn’t actually have a set date. It’s like Easter; it differs from year to year. This year it’s from December 18 to the 26th
MORE INFO Hanukkah | Reform Judaism
Lindsay: Now, what are we going to talk about?
Ted: Now we are talking about Kwanzaa. It is a celebration celebrating African principles. It was created in 1966 by an African-American activist because he felt that Christmas was too commercial. Think about it, back in those days, the world was in the midst of The Vietnam war, we also had the Civil Rights movement during that time. And many people decided to celebrate Christmas, but this activist and professor felt that Christmas was becoming too commercial, so many African Americans created Kwanzaa, Kwanzaa lasts for 7 days. For each day, we light the candles on a special candle holder called a kinara, and we talk on that day about the principles of each African, and on the last day of Kwanzaa, we make a special gift for a family member or someone we love.
More Info: Official Kwanzaa Website
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kwanzaa
Lindsay: So there are special values in Kwanzaa; what are those values we celebrate?
Ted: Unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith.
Lindsay: What do they mean by cooperative economics?
Ted: Cooperative means working together, and economics means money and business, it means shopping from small businesses you care about and helping to build a community.
Lindsay: Wow. That’s pretty cool. So when is that holiday celebrated?
Ted: It’s celebrated from December 26 to January 1.
Ted: Now I’m going to talk about the Feast Of St Lucia. It is celebrated on December 13, and it commemorates St Lucia, who brought food and medicine, and aid to imprisoned Christians during the Diocleantic Persecution during the Roman Empire. Eventually, Christianity spread through Europe, and St Lucia is remembered as a woman in a white robe with a wreath of candles on her head because her hands were full of food for the people she was trying to help. It is a big deal holiday in Scandanavian countries.
Lindsay: If you watch my favorite Christmas movie, THE REF, starring Dennis Leary, Judy Davis, Christine Baranski, and, unfortunately, Kevin Spacey, you’ll see that they have a St Lucia-themed holiday celebration.
Ted: That’s very interesting. Now I’d (through gritted teeth) Like to talk about (grumbles) Festivus
Lindsay; YAY! The holiday for the rest of us.
Ted: In the Seinfeld episode THE STRIKE, George’s father was trying to secure a gift for his son one Christmas, but a mean person also reached for the doll, as George’s father was raining blows on the guy before he was hauled out by security, he realized there had to be another way. So he created (sighs Festivus. There are no gifts exchanged; instead of a tree, they use a Festivus pole in the living room. The Festivus meal consists of either meatloaf or chicken or lasagna; there is “The Airing Of Grievances,’ where the father talks about how much everyone disappointed him, and “The Feats of Strength” where there is a huge brawl, the holiday ends where the youngest son is pinned under a dogpile. Well, there you have it.
Lindsay: So you hate Festivus because the youngest son is pinned under a dogpile, and you’re the youngest son?
Ted: I don’t want to talk about it.
Lindsay; here is an interesting fact for you all, if you are interested in Festivus, you should read the book by Dan O’ Keefe, THE REAL FESTIVUS, THE TRUE STORY BEHIND AMERICA’S FAVORITE MADE UP HOLIDAY.
Ted: You can find it on Amazon.com
Lindsay: and bookshop.org
Lindsay: Now, can we talk about Yule?
Ted: (sighs) Yes, we can. Yule is an ancient Germanic celebration created from Norse celebrations. It means The Returning Of The Light or The Longest Night On Earth, It is where we are kept in darkness all winter to see a return of the light in the world. We celebrate that day by decorating our houses with evergreens, holly, and mistletoe, we kiss under the mistletoe, we tell stories, we do dancing, we feast…
We feast on good food, mulled wine and cider, sweet treats, and plum pudding.
Both Lindsay and Ted: YUM!
Ted: (regaining his composure)And we exchange gifts and fear Krampus and await Santa Claus.
Lindsay: Hey Ted did you know the Christmas story we don’t think about now is telling scary ghost stories?
Ted: (sighs) I had heard that rumor. Today we don’t tell scary stories, it’s too much excitement. We call it Season’s Greetings because there are so many ways to celebrate this time of year.
Lindsay: okay, what do you want to talk about now?
Ted: I want to talk about Muppet News. There is a online petition to get MUPPET FAMILY CHRISTMAS on DVD, The petition is on Change.org and it has been 45 years of EMMETT OTTERS JUG BAND CHRISTMAS and there is a celebration on many years of Emmett Otter, I think there should be a prime time special celebration that show, with interviews with The Muppeteers and the family of the Hensons, there was a celebration of Emmett Otter at The Museum of The Moving Image in New York. It featured a screening of the special, and interviews with people who worked on the show. There is also a documentary called BEHIND THE SCENES IN FROGTOWN HOLLOW, which shows the making of Emmet Otter, it is also 30 years of MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL, There is a great article in The Independent about the making of the movie And Lindsay and I are going to see a live performance of the Philadelphia Orchestra play MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL in concert
Lindsay: Are you excited?
Ted: mmmm.
Lindsay: do I take that for a yes?
Ted: mmmm.
Lindsay: are you getting ready for the idea of it?
Ted: Let’s move on.
Lindsay: Moving on, I was today years old when I found out about A VERY MERRY MUPPET CHRISTMAS MOVIE, which Rob Bricken of Gizmodo describes as, “If there was a way to replicate the grim plotline of It’s a Wonderful Life without the tragedy and depression at its core, It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie did not figure it out.”
Yikes!
Ted: Wowzers.
Lindsay: Tell them the review, Ted
Ted: This is where The Muppets are about to lose The Muppet Theatre to Rachel Bitterman, a Scrooge-like meanie, unless they come up with a ton of money, they put on a Moulin-Rouge type show, like a parody of A CHRISTMAS CAROL, Fozzie loses the money because some Who’s thought he was the Grinch, Fozzie loses the money, and Kermit’s guardian angel shows Kermit what the world would be like if he had never been born. He’s praying by the Jim Henson statue in Central Park,
Lindsay; ted I don’t think there's a Jim Henson statue in Central Park.
Ted: If there isn’t a Jim Henson statue in Central Park, there should be. The angel shows Kermit how difficult things would be if Kermit had never been born, I mean no Muppets? What a sad world that would be.
Lindsay: Yeah, That would be a sad world.
Ted: A world without Muppets is chaos. Now we can talk about autism news. We found a list of safety tips for Christmas and autism, but I can only explain from my own experience,
MORE INFO: Christmas tips for autistic people and their families
My suggestion, no blinking lights, no neon, some autistics need to have their regular schedule and their regular days, but some autistic people love the ritual. I had one autistic friend, Matt, who was bent out of shape over Christmas, he wanted a regular day. Keep loud music quiet, or have to a quiet roar, and have them pick out a special gift they really like, that will brighten their day. When autistic people give gifts have a budget and don’t feel pressured to give extravagant gifts.
Lindsay: Can we talk about what Christmas rituals are important to you?
Ted: Yes, we can. My important Christmas rituals are seeing Dickens Village at Macy’s and seeing The Rose Tree Christmas Lights at Rose Tree Park, and seeing Santa, and giving toys to Toys for Tots, and I like Christmas music, and doing Christmas puppet shows, but I really enjoy getting to spend time with my family.
Lindsay: I think we should wrap this up now.
Ted; That’s a good idea. (Christmas music starts up again) That’s all for now. I’m Ted Harris, and I wish you all a happy holiday season. If you’d like to get in touch, you can e-mail us at info@6630productions.com You can visit our website or leave a comment on Facebook, we welcome your comments, please write a review on podchaser.com or on Apple podcasts, and we hope to hear from you in many years to come. As for you, we wish you a very happy holiday.
(Music swells)
END CREDITS